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Welcome
Compliance Never Felt So Good.
A discreet dominatrix-led sanctuary in FNQ. Where kink meets class, satire meets submission, nothing is quite what it seems.
Gift Cards: Cane and Collar
Send a gift card to friends and family or buy it now for your future use. You can use it for bookings, artwork, photography, most products on the site.
Cane & Collar:
$40.00
($10.00 shipping)
"Comply With Me" USB Salt Diffuser
A Cane & Collar Compliance Product™
For Homes, Workplaces & Suburban Emotional Safety Zones
The Satirical Workplace Safety Glow-Up
This USB-powered salt lamp is here to protect your aura, seduce your HR department, and pass your next emotional audit.
Compatible with laptops, desktops, and passive-aggressive Zoom meetings
Emits a calming glow (and possibly judgment)
Includes one random compliance sticker — collect them all!
Product Description:
Introducing the “Comply With Me” USB Salt Diffuser, your legally questionable solution to electromagnetic chaos, interpersonal dysfunction, and deeply buried intergenerational trauma.
Hand-harvested from the fictional salt caves of Gordonvale and infused with corporate dread, each USB-powered salt lamp provides:
✅ Illusory protection from workplace bullying
✅ 72% reduction in ADHD dog tantrums (according to Papa G’s dreams)
✅ A soft glow that tricks your nervous system into behaving
✅ Optional compliance stickers in 4 tiers: "Moderate Risk," "Non-Compliant," "Fully Submissive," and "Karen-Proofed."
Whether you’re running a kink dungeon, a mining boardroom, or just trying to keep it together during school pickup, this diffuser will help you pass your next Salt Lamp Audit™ — or at least look like you’re trying. Comply With Me” USB Salt Diffuser
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📦 Ships in recycled cane-pulp packaging. Plug it in and prepare to comply.
🛒 $44.44 | Quarterly subscription available
$20.00
Deadline: April 1st, 2025
Welcome to the official (and unofficially hilarious) home of emotional risk management through ionized workplace tools.
Whether you work in an office, on a mine site, or behind a government-issued desk, one thing is now clear:
Your workplace must glow.
🔎 Choose Your Industry:
🧑💼 Corporate & Office Environments
Think team-building meets satire. One salt lamp per laptop, quarterly aura reports, and bonus points for branded enlightenment.
👉 Download the Office Kit
⛏️ Mining Camps & FIFO Sites
Hard hats, crib rooms, and crystal-powered morale boosters. Your Emotional Safety Officer is waiting.
👉 Get the Mining Pack
🏛️ Government Departments
Workplace wellbeing meets policy theatre. Stay compliant while confusing absolutely everyone above you.
👉 Access Government Tools
✅ What’s Included in Every Kit:
- USB Salt Lamp (optional but strongly recommended)
- Printable Certificate of Compliance
- Audit Checklist & Application Form
- Mistress Jessie’s Welcome Letter
- Bonus: “Comply With Me” Workshop Booking Option
💬 What They’re Not Saying (Yet):
“I didn’t understand it… but I feel strangely safer.”
“Our manager glows now. We don’t ask questions.”
“It’s the only compliance training I’ve actually enjoyed.”
🧂 Ready to Comply?
🛒 Choose your kit, print your forms, and plug in your glow.
📅 Don’t wait until April 1st — the spirit of legislation is already here.
Mistress Jessie is watching.
And she takes compliance… very seriously.
👉 Get Compliant Now →
Cane & Collar: Mistress Jessie’s Compliance Reminder
$129.00
Sexy and scolding MP3s to play in your car or workplace.
Examples: “You didn’t test and tag the diffuser. Again.”
“Did you think that corner was ventilated?”
“Your posture’s non-compliant, and so is your attitude.”
“This is not a compliant emotional display.” “Your diffuser isn’t test and tagged.”
“Compliance is your kink now.” “This aura isn’t going to regulate itself.”
USB Salt Lamp Placement Guide Magnet
Serious instructions for your unserious light source.
Includes placement tips like:
- “Must face north-northwest during retrograde.”
- “Do not position near aggressive furniture.”
- “Failure to comply results in vibe demerits.”
$8.88 RRP: $4.44 each or $13 for the bundle
🎙 Podcast Tie-In:
Live recording of Mistress Jessie doing ASMR compliance affirmations
Mock government-looking document to hang proudly in your home, dungeon, school, or vape store.
Because sometimes, you need a fake sense of order.
Choose between a downloadable PDF or premium foil-stamped A4 certificate, featuring:
✔️ Audit Date (fictitious)
✔️ QR Code (goes nowhere)
✔️ Official Seal of Passive Domination™
Great for wall display, HR shaming, or wedding gifts.
🛒$7.50 (Digital) | $15.00 (Foil-Embossed Edition)
🎙 Podcast Segment Tie-In:
“Mistress Jessie Conducts a Surprise Inspection” — absurd compliance checks of salt lamps in fictional spaces (e.g., caravan parks, vape lounges, schools).
☑️ Add another compliance certificate for your break room – $7.50
☑️ Add gift wrapping with scolding tag: “You’re Welcome. You Needed This.” – $5.00
☑️ Add Papa G’s Poem of Submission – $3.33 (printed on recycled council memos)
Thank you for supporting Cane & Collar — a satirical safety initiative powered by salt, sass, and seriously strange logic.
Before you check out, just remember:
- These products are real, but our legal qualifications are not
- We don’t offer refunds for spiritual non-alignment
- Shipping is fast, discreet, and filled with passive-aggressive love
- 60 % of all sales fund future podcast chaos editing and emotionally supportive dog snacks, especially for ADHD dogs.
